The Zoe Report

Amazon Prime’s New Delivery Service Is Low-Key Terrifying

An idea likely drummed up in the same room as the scourge against humanity known as the Kit Kat Quesadilla, Amazon has decided to launch an in-home delivery service called Amazon Key. This new service allows Amazon couriers to open your door via a smart lock and leave your package inside your home. Congratulations Brad in Accounting for coming up with this horrible idea (because you know this was not a woman’s idea). You win a time-machine trip back to 1951 when people actually thought it was safe to leave their doors unlocked.

But seriously, we’re perplexed. How did this even happen? Like, did they hold a contest like that time Lay’s wanted us to choose its new potato-chip flavor? Remember how that turned out? We ended up with a crispy taco-flavored potato chip. Yeah, we’re guessing this is going to have a similar result only with more serial killers. This is 2017. We’ve got enough to be afraid of—no need to add “murdered by Amazon delivery person” to that list. Read the room, Amazon.

The internet is reacting in much the same way. See for yourself: